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The Beit din rabbis were very positive and reminded me this was the beginning of the rest of my life, not just the end of something negative. It was a moment of freedom.
The rabbis did not make me appear at the same time as my ex husband, they were kind and explained the process and answered any questions I had during the get process
I was the only woman in the room
I didn't have to go at the same time as my husband. And one person handed me tissues because I was crying, that was a real act of kindness
The date and time was changed 3 times so I had to get emotionally ready each time anew and in the end had to go alone because of the last minute change
I was very clear that I was a student and could not afford the payment. They originally said it was fine but when I arrived at the Beit din they told me it was going to be 500$ before we could Move forward
It was not really explained to me what to expect before the "ceremony". I was the only woman in the room and was emotional. The men were kind but detached although I did have a lovely conversation with Rabbi P afterwards. FYI - the ex did not attend in person which was good but I did not know this was an option.
Mainly the logistics- it took a long time to get an appointment! I mainly worked through my shul Rabbi. Also, I didn't expect them to keep the get, and getting a copy/proof to show I'm divorced took forever and many follow-ups. Also, I felt like I had to argue with the Rabbi about the pronunciation of my name. I told him 3x, he kept questioning and telling me it wasn't standard, I finally called my mom to confirm. (Father has been dead 15yrs, so the question about how does your dad say it wasn't helpful)
Although a friend and/or my Rabbi offered to attend with me, I just wanted to get through it on my own. However, I would have welcomed an impartial woman to go with me as a companion; it is a traumatic event even when there are no complications.
They had a female present to support me
The Rabbis were very respectful, explained what was going to happen, and it went well. I didn't feel I had to justify myself too much in the questions. Also, they got my names by phone the night before so I didn't have to arrive until the get was expected to be written, reducing my time sitting there with my ex and all the Rabbis, which was great. (May have been a covid accommodation) Also, my Rabbi had highly recommended I bring a (female) friend, which I did, which made things much easier.
This beit din is committed to making the process of receiving a divorce transparent by spelling out the steps of the process as well as the steps of the actual ritual of the Get to clients.
This beit din recognizes the sensitive nature of the process and things on hand like tissues, and water to drink. The beit din offered breaks during emotional moments, and was sensitive to details such as asking a woman what last name she prefers they use.
This beit din keeps and shares its number of cases, average length it takes to resolve a case, how many seruvim it orders and more.
Do not invite them to smachot, shabbat meals, or events
This beit din offers a supportive person of the same gender to accompany parties through the divorce process (Din Torah, Get giving ritual)
This beit din reaches out after the divorce process is completed to check in on clients’ wellbeing.
This beit din has received training on domestic violence, how it might present in the beit din, and how to best work with survivors
This beit din has attended training on the challenges our community faces regarding addiction in all of its forms and how it might present itself at the Beit Din.
This beit din has taken time to attend training on the struggles women face as they stand before a beit din. The Dayanim are committed to learning the unique challenges that religious women face in this very male space. We can connect you with a training provider in your area.
This beit din has taken a course in understanding various ways Jewish marriage can be ended beyond the giving of the Get when the need is great.
This beit din has received Get refusal training and recognizes that demanding a price or conditions in exchange for a Get is abuse and does not allow this to occur in its court. This includes insisting custody and finances are sorted before giving the Get.
This beit din works with organizations that advocate for people navigating the divorce process. The beit din communicates freely and regularly with these organizations as well as partners with them to solve cases.
This beit din thinks creatively and strategically, is proactive in resolving cases and looks for solutions and ideas to free women and men being refused a Get.
The rabbis were understanding of my safety, and my ex and I did not appear together. The Beit Din explained everything carefully and after the ceremony was done, they spoke to me about looking forward to the rest of my life. Everyone treated me with respect: