GET abuse is when one partner uses the Get as a means to manipulate or extort their spouse.
This can include threatening to withhold the Get as a way to gain custody or using the Get to extort a financial settlement. Get abuse is not always as clear cut or recognizable as straight out Get refusal. No beit din, community or leadership should allow Get abuse and there are resources available for those who are struggling.
10 Commandments of get abuse
We created the 10 Commandments of Get abuse to help communities be proactive in safeguarding Jewish marriage and reducing Get abuse.
1
Sign a halachic pre/post nup
For yourselves and the community. The more normalized the practice is, the fewer women will become Agunot.
2
Hold leaders accountable
Empower them to reflect views of the community.
3
Insist on transparency in the process
How long does a divorce take? How much does it cost?
4
Encourage shuls to make public, enforced policy against get abuse
This includes ritual participation and shul membership.
5
Urge leaders to speak about get abuse from the pulpit
6
Do not allow abusers to feel comfortable in your community
Do not invite them to smachot, shabbat meals, or events
7
Do not make excuses
Abuse is abuse. Denying someone their freedom is abusive behavior.
8
Do not allow extortion in exchange for a get
No one should have to buy their freedom.
9
"Do not stand idly by" (leviticus 19:17)
There are so many ways to speak up & get involved. Agunot need YOUR help.
10
Do not allow abuse in the name of torah
For your shul or community bulletin!
Domestic Abuse Hotlines
If you need assistance to know your rights, leave an abusive situation or get a better understanding of whether you are in an abusive situation, these hotlines can help:
United States
1-888-883-2323
(Languages include English, Hebrew, Yiddish, Russian, Spanish and Hungarian)
24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline:
Israel
118 – National hotline for domestic abuse
TAHEL – Haredi women & children hotline – 02-673-0002
Yad Sarah Center for Families – 02 6444566
The Child Safety Agency Aid Center
United Kingdom
Abuse Helpline:
Sexual Violence Support
Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline (run by Refuge)
Men’s Advice Line (run by Respect) is a confidential helpline for male victims
If you believe there is an immediate risk of harm to someone, or it is an emergency, you should always call – 999
Agunah Support
These organizations assist people around the world through the Jewish divorce process.
France
U.K.
GettOutUK – provides holistic support to women on their journeys towards getting a divorce
U.S.A.
ORA– offers guidance and assistance as well as numerous resources.
Get Jewish Divorce Justice – offers advocacy, counseling and education:
Jewish Federation of LA
- 6505 Wilshire Blvd. Site: #320 Los Angeles, CA, 90048
Australia
Unchain My Heart – provides support, advocacy and referrals for those unable to receive a Get in Australia
Argentina
Shalom Bait – es una Asociación Civil de Prevención, Asistencia, e Investigación de la Violencia Familiar
Schedule a Consultation
Schedule a confidential consultation to share your experience with divorce or the Beit Din process. Your feedback is essential in improving the system and supporting others.
